My Heart is Cloudy by; Mutiara Islamiyah

It was Sunday morning in November. The sky was dark and was covered by the gray cloud. The trickle of the water dropped from the sky and the air was very cold, as cold as an ice cube. The terrace was full of the leaves fall.  It was a glassy morning of my life. I’d been an hour here, sat on an old swinging with a cup of cold tea. I saw nothing, I heard nothing, and I did nothing. My heart was gloomy, I felt miserable, and I did nothing. There were 77 missed calls in my mobile phone. I was afraid to answer his call, I was afraid to talk to him, and I was afraid to see him. I was afraid because if I did, I wouldn’t see his face and hear his voice again, and I didn’t want if it would become true. He might not go. I do love him, I need him, and I want to be always with him.

Six years ago, I was a student of a state senior high school. I did my activities just like other students did. My life was dedicated for studying and singing with choir at my school. I was quite beautiful, smart, and charming that was why some of boys in my school tried to get my attention and I didn’t care about them instead. Until, I met with an extraordinary boy in my extracurricular class. His name is Cloud. He was handsome, smart, but strange. He never tried to steal a girl’s heart, although many of girl’s heart had been stolen by him without he wanted to. The first time we met was while I was asked by my senior to teach him how to sing a song because he was a new member of our choir. I had given my help politely, but….. “You don’t have to teach me, I’ll learn it by myself”, said Cloud with his cold voice, and then went away from me. My heart was beating fast, I felt underestimated, and I wanted to tell it to him, but the class was started. During a month, we never talked like a friend. I didn’t care of him and he did too. Then one day, I found him looked at me with his bright eyes. The next days, he sometimes sat beside my seat. Then, our stiff situation became normal and we became friend. We sang a song together, practiced together, and played together. Unconsciously, I felt in love with him.

It was the New Year eve. Our choir held a party in one of the member’s home. It was a bright night with the moon and the stars light. Cloud and I were sitting on a balcony, and our friends were waiting us down stair as they didn’t want to bother us. The radio played some romantic songs, but we both just kept silent.  “Cloud, what are you waiting for? Come on, we’re patient no more,” said one of our friends. Hmm, I just realized that he was a bashful boy. For just seconds, Cloud said with his quivering voice, “Hmm, wou..ld you ……like to…. be ….. ………. my… special friend?” My heart was beating very fast, and then I said slowly, “Yes, I do.”

I never forgot that moment, that special moment which brought us together. It has been 6 years since he was there in my life. We spent our time almost together in happiness and sadness. I understood him well and he did too. He completed my life, he always completes me.

My mind was dispersed. I was shocked by a brown wet car. I knew the car very well. It’s his car, it’s him, and he came to meet me. I felt my heart just like stopped beating. I cried without tears.  He walked on to me and sat beside me without produced a word. Unexpectedly, my tears flowed through my cheeks. They didn’t stop flowing although I asked them to stop. I was so weak. I felt so sorry for myself. While my tears were flowing, he touched my hands gently. It was warm. It made my cold hand became normal. Furthermore, he saw me. He saw me on my eyes. I tried to avoid it, but I couldn’t. I had to make him understand that I didn’t want him to go. The tears flowed greater and greater. It couldn’t be stopped. He saw me with his tender-heartedness and said, “Believe me….”

Just fancy! How could he just tell that two words! Did he know that I was hurt? Then, I exploded with tears. “How could you say that? You’ll go far away, you’ll enter a huge war, you’ll meet bad people, and you’ll face many guns and grenades. Next 6 months we’ll get married and I can’t imagine if I cannot see you again. I don’t want to lose my cloud. You may not go!” I sobbed with large amounts of tears. I cried on his shoulder. He did nothing. He just let me send away my anger and sadness. “It’s my responsibility…. I’ve to go..,” said Cloud. He pulled out a ring, and then said softly, “You’ll always be in my heart…. Believe me…. and I’ll be ok….” I felt calm. He is always able to make me calm with his way. He put the ring into my finger and smiled. The grey cloud of my heart steadily changed into a rainbow. I’ll always pray for him, wait him, and he’ll be okay. “I do believe you….”I said.